A little bit of attitude.

I... it starts like nowhere. Somewhere were beyond in a middle of a deep sea.
Silent, kept it silent.
Hush, kept it hush.
Shut, kept it shut.
Quiet, kept it quiet.

Negative about me is always being too much thinking and stubborn. Being too close with the people who I always face every single day who had become more uneasy atmosphere. Its sounds silly, but sometimes ? its better off that way. People talks but don't think twicely  , in a point of view which it may kill a lot numbers of moods. Even though how much you've done the best. One word 'apperciate' has never been told. Its alright, this is life. 

Just to make sure of it? Every people smile at you is your friend, but not all of them are your friend. The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for. 

Question are still hanging around to myself am I born to this ?  or maybe I'm just wasting my time right now. I am not satisfy just yet. Why things are so hard? Why do I had to make it so hard? 

Something in the way of life

A perfect cloths, perfect shoe, perfect hair, perfect jewelleries, perfect man or life. I ain't asking for a perfection. We breath in the same earth, we all stand under the same sun. There's no different but we're all the same. I choose to be a life in a different way who not many people would think off. May it sounds weird  and stupid sometimes, yet life's should be wild before you regret. A world of regret which you can never pull back from what it has done. (What comes around goes around) life is always a full of lesson. The only way can made humanity to grown up and move on. Laugh all you can, cry all you can, play all you can, love all you can, do what you can or believe what you've believe. This is what we do right ?

Keep your best wishes, close to your heart and watch what happens. Future is yours. Let em laugh all they want, you know where you stand. She.. She is on her way. On her way so close to what she choose. And still holding a space thinking about going in a right path? Not so sure yet. 

She might not knowing the answers of where, what, or how. Sooner or later she'll find the answer. Better to remain silent be thought of fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. 

Whatever it takes

O me, O life. This is why it exists, why I raised it, myself. Life is too short, I know that much. That life is short. And that its important to keep reminding oneself of it. That life to short, just because it is. I suspect that each of us is going to wake up some morning to suddenly find ourselves old men or women without knowing how we got that way. Wondering where it all went. Regretting all the things we didn't do. So I think that the sooner we realize that life is short the better off we are. 

The darker part I've standing all alone while building up the stairs to go, to step to another door. And I know lifes is always ups and down. As sometimes you face the difficulties not because you're doing something wrong, but because you're doing something right. Now you know that life is not so simple as I am making it sound. We are all abit fucked up, and here lies the problem. To try and get rid of the fucked up parts, so we can just relax and be ourselves. For what time we have left. 

Taken last month @ East coast park

There was a time when I serious, disappointed on myself for days. I got so silent. Taking cigarettes as much to cool myself down. Mom told me to carry on just cry if you feeling to. I never felt so far away. I never felt sorry for myself or I should sorry for myself. I hated myself every single day for not doing it right and the past  of my history. Sometimes I always liked to being alone not because of the queen of emotional self alone. Being alone you got to feel the peace of the inner peace *if you can, understand what I meant*  Not only being self alone but I love being with the love of people surround me. 

So recently Singapore are hell out of many haze. It kills my perfect view! Kills my day as well. Everyone talks about it and it started to get annoyed me. Lets hope everyone are in good health. I'm trying to take good care of myself here as well. 

Some rhythm music I share with you all. Enjoy. 

And have great day love. 

The only exception

Its midnight. Yes I know. Its in a middle of the night! Its hardly to awake in this hour 12.04 AM. Well since its my off day on Tuesday. Seriously feels damn good like heaven. Anyway, so how yall have been creatures. Fine as always ? Well me too merci. I got so much to share to all. If I remember every single chapter to tell *laughs*

Started when the first day of my job. Imagine a single land underwater sea with full of shark pointing and looking at you like they never seen before nor I shall say a new creature step on their land with a silent emotional. I cant sleep that night before it start work. I always get very nervous on my first day of work, nerve of my mouth shaking like a damage machine. My head chef are quite serious and fierce when first I saw him in the day he interviewed me. In the end, its not that bad after all. 

People told me as a girl, its hard to work in the main kitchen here in Singapore, it is not easy to find a job here, or the bad communication between different country thinks and more. But I shut it all down into a box trying not to believe what they've telling me. I had build up the stairs on my own from the bottom to top in almost 3 years and I dont want to waste it just because its hard. It is hard, as a girl in this line as a chef. Its possibility and I will make them wrong for sure. May it sounds stupid, but the soul ask me to keep trying as my goal. My thoughts said no matter what it is, girls always can do everything like man does. But not all of course. As a girl you cannot be too weak for everything you do. Don't relying on people beside you. Am I correct? 

Its a whole new chapter here, a silent life all I have in me. But I am serious thank God for giving me, my joy of laughter while working with these lovely silly workmates. I met new people, different believers, different countries, different personality and more. What I meant a  silent life is actually I still haven't found my actual warm peace place here. 

I got almost sick last night. Tummy not very well and got an allergic on my both hands. Fml -,- Gonna be healing soon though. So, I moved out last two weeks from hell house. Sorry forgive my rudeness. Its seriously like hell. A house of a family doesn't looked like warm sweet home. They all are totally a bad shape. Whole family are smokers, love to gambling, and fights with their own parents sometimes. The owner like to complain about us trying to find something bad sense on us even a little thing. I swear I dint cause any trouble but the way they treat us like kind of shit. And so I was like, what the hack? you are not my mom. My parents taught me very well. I respect them all and they just dont. I rarely stay back accept back for night. 

So right now I am peacefully moved out and stayed at my friends cousins room. How lucky I am. I pray as always every morning and night to thank God for guiding me every steps I take. Staying quite near to town and its a marvelous place. Its only about 5-10 mints reached mrt, they include malls, restaurants, cafe, fast food, fair price and all. Believe me, you no idea how easy it is. You just reached there and you got everything. And one of my favourite place of all in Singapore. Theres a lovely beautiful park just beside my room. Just across one bridge. Its a big park, free flow for bringing pets along. How awesome is that. Sigh, if only my dog are with me right now' I would bringing him to the park everyday. 

Getting there

Okay. So pretty much things getting better here I guess? New room (moving out soon), new job, new friends, new environment, new living.. Guess we had a luck. I am gland it wont end up nothing for I have gone a long way to climb up hill. All I know Love would save each of my day. I had a strong support from mom and dad and all of my friends and families members. I rarely connect to mom and dad since I got here in Singapore. The reason why is because if I connect them very close, I would have a very weak heart. And I understand why people would say cry it out;  it will makes you feel better. 'Oui (means Yes-French) I accept the fact. Still of course I'll updated to mom about my life here. 

I never felt so lonely, even thought one of my friend stay with me. It feels a lonely grown lady walks alone most of the time. Which lonely bring me to no family and only 2% of my friends are here. Some of them are studying, working, working and yes working. My elder sister staying here too, we are very close. We meet up sometimes but not most of the time. Maybe twice a month. Shes busy with her work too btw. So as you can picture what I describe about, its not hard in living alone but is to take courage by build up Love from new place like a place to home that's all. 

Talked about myself, I used to be very naughty and had some little problems with my vocabulary language or maybe I called it Chavs a little? Not in a crime way, bad but self independent. Well it was long time ago. But now I had a dream to complete, a dream that I really wanted for my own future.  I've change a alot since I moved here. Less vocabulary language, less middle fingers (laughs), no smokes, no beers, no late out... well not that bad after all. I learned how to live in their country. What I have review. my very own first county in Sabah, Chinese people are polite, by asking with low voice and they patiently answer the question. But if in Singapore, with huge numbers of different culture in a big city. One is one that's all. You asked another, they put you one step ahead. If you get what I mean.  

Its good to understand them, so that is what makes you have the courage in living. When it comes to my new environment job as a Chef. First it was pretty nervous. serious. I got nervous all the time when comes new to me what? I may looked calm, but you never knew how I have been going. Anyway, so I met almost all of my kitchen crew members. They are cool. Jokes everywhere, same goes to my previous job. And thats the reason why I love to be a Chef. Play hard and work hard. Enjoying life. Maybe because I do also love cooking as well, no describe a reason. Just like Love. A sentence of Love is no other describe. Its hard to explain. 

I am enjoying food here in singapore. They had so much creativity. I'll took as many pictures as I can to introduce yall in instagram. 

Having my holiday tomorrow. And I am tired lately. 

Off to bed now. Au revoir people. 

Creating own life

Back before many years. I have everything I want, but of course not all. What I mean, I have happiness, love, car, a name called home, I have all of my friends and families members I used to hang out, and also a place of mine. A peace and comfortable nest I build up. 

I've been thinking a lot back to back in many years. I know somehow it may sounds stupid when you wanted to take challenges in life on your own. Still sooner you gonna live for your own am I right? I dont want to depends on my parents for the rest of my life. I understand how hard they've been through and I respect that. Something about my personal, I may looked tough but inside I am still weak of having the distance with my parents. They understand my goals and support me all the way. I love them so much like a Gold in me. Im trying hard to not be weak, tough is what I have.When I talk about relationships, I dont really care much. The goals I promise for myself is to take the challenges no matter what. The challenge may be hard but I'll put myself on hope not to give up. Yes, sometimes you wish to give up everything when something is not going right. Its hard to live alone if Love does not exist in your surround life. A challenge I may face is to learn peoples culture of lifestyle. A Chef Tour, I called it. 

Perfectly I love to move around. I love travelling (just like my mom) but still not good in geographic. So when my life starting to grow older, I take as much experience here and studying college before I start a life. 2013 April I am here, start my own life in Singapore. Came in on 17th together with 2 of my friends, used to work together as a chefs. I am so excited but still I have a set of heavy heart that called afraid in many point. 

I am afraid not being able to catch the dream I wish for, I am scared Im going to a wrong way, I am scared no one would be able to help me, I am scared I have nothing left, I am scared I got no job, and no where to live or no where to go.

From all my heavy heart in negative thinking brings me down like a rain fall. A hard time. I put myself in silence, silence brings me a powerful mind set to wake up and be a positive thinking. Silence is a powerful scream. First step would be hard and I get it, wait until I used to the culture living and get a job to settle. And thats great. Some people might take a different view, because they have more cash than me. And thats why I need to build more into me. Basically, Im willing to learn everything. 

Singapore culture is kind of a center county that people used to know. They have a lot of strictly rule and regulation. And the reason why I choose Singapore for my first challenge is because they adopt more in different culture. And I know every county have the same. But Singapore can push me to a limit level to learn. They are Asian and English communication in between. So that I can know whats next up a head.

Maybe in Western country of Australia; Melbourne? or Hong Kong Asian country. If you get the picture what challenge Im taking about. *Laughs* So the conclusion is, living in Singapore they have their own good and bad. Their transportation are very easy; convenient. If you talk about the living life style, is actually same as Taiwan culture. Easy to find food. If youre in city you found a fine dine restaurant or food court but if youre not in the city you will have a great delicious food. Thats the different I can say. Staying in a apartment, HDB or condo, walk down you will directly see a food store or different kind of store such as photocopy, mobile store, mini store and more. Indian is every where here in Singapore, no harm. Same as Kuala Lumpur city. Singapore also quite a high standard city I can say. A simple food court brings a suitable and comfortable place.

But most of Singapore, I realize a lot more of Hong Kong and China culture came into this country to work. Philippines and Malaysian so far are rare. But its too bad that Malaysian is limited to work in Singapore. The rules and regulations are found to have a quota. Singaporean are strictly directly face up to you sometimes, well its good ( I think) because they are strictly face up and not face up behind. Anyway, Still I can say a lot of different culture living in this country. And thats makes a huge different people in this country.